Bondage sex 101: How to pick the right sling and dildo


Bondage sex for everyone
Bundle condoms are like lube, they can make sex better for anyone, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

Suitable for vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, manual sex and masturbation, strap-on condoms can be worn or accepted by people with penises and people with vaginas and everyone in between.

Even if strap-on play sounds completely out of your realm, they’re still worth knowing more about – they can really add a lot of fun and flexibility to your sex life.

“People often associate strap-on play with specific gender roles, sexuality and identity, but these associations are ultimately more harmful than helpful. Specific sexuality doesn’t define who you are if you don’t want it to.” Says Amy Boyajian, co-founder and CEO of the linear toy boutique Wild Flower, which recently released its first genderless vibrator, Enby.

Ready to learn more about strap-ons www.mytoyfirst.com/strap-ons and how all bodies can enjoy bondage play? Read on.

Bondage play can be pleasurable for everyone.
Now determine how people with penises can enjoy bondage play? Here’s more information on how wearing or using a strap-on harness during sex can be pleasurable even for people who already have their own dildos.

“Wearing a strap-on harness allows people with erectile dysfunction or prostate removal on their penis to make love to and please their partner in the way they are used to,” explains sex and relationship educator Sarah Sloan, who has been teaching strap-on classes at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest since 2001.

It’s also a way for people to try dual penetration, she says. It’s also a way for people to try double penetration, she says, and the possibilities and pleasures are endless.

If a person with a penis has a partner with a vulva, then their partner can wear a harness for anal penetration.

Sometimes referred to as pegging, this form of anal penetration can be incredibly physically pleasurable for someone with a penis, Boyajian says.” The prostate gland is located a few inches inside the anus, toward the abdomen. For some people, stimulating the prostate can produce pleasurable sensations and better orgasms.”

Plus, pegging can provide an opportunity to explore power and pleasure dynamics that may not yet be part of your game.

Important notes on pegging
If anal play is new to your sex life, don’t start with pegging.” You want to use your tongue, fingers, smaller toys like butt plugs, and explore anal play during masturbation before going straight to pegging,” says clinical sexologist Megan Stubbs, Ed.D. This helps prepare the sphincter, or ring of muscles at the end of the rectum, to keep the anus contracted – unless something needs to pass through it.
Nail play usually involves a toy larger than a finger or butt plug, so you’ll want to work on size and get used to the sensation of being penetrated and avoid pain or discomfort.

Harnessing play during sex can also be very enjoyable for vulva owners. Depending on the shape of your body and where you position the harness for optimal penetration, wearing a harness may lead to clitoral or vaginal orgasms – or even mixed orgasms.

For many people, one of the great pleasures of wearing a harness is watching your partner enjoy being penetrated, Stubbs says.” There’s a lot of intimacy in being able to penetrate your partner and get close to them. You can keep your body close to theirs and use your hands and mouth to kiss and touch.”

There’s also an element of gender play that can turn some people on.” If you’re gay, strap-on sex lets you subvert heterosexual sex. You’re taking something that’s considered straight, and queering the heck out of it,” Sloane says.

In addition, “some men who are off-center, genderqueer, or otherwise identify as having a penis may find the feeling of having or wearing [strap-ons] really suits their gender identity and is incredibly validating.” Simulated oral sex games that use strap-on penises can get hot for this reason, too.

On the receiving end, people with vulvas can enjoy vaginal or anal penetration with a strap-on penis.

“Vaginal penetration can be pleasurable for some people thanks to the G-spot, the A-spot, the feeling of fullness, and the power dynamics it can cause,” Sloan says.

The A-spot, or anterior fornix erogenous zone, is a sensitive tissue area at the end of the vaginal canal.” When stimulated, this can increase arousal, activate vaginal lubrication and trigger orgasm,” Boyajian explains.

Anal play is also enjoyable for people who have vaginas.” The anus has thousands of sensitive nerve endings concentrated around the anal opening and the outer rectum,” Boyajian mentions.” Stimulating this part of the body, in conjunction with doing some ‘forbidden’ stimulation, can bring someone with a vagina to full orgasm.”

Ready to get a strap-on contraceptive? Consider the following your comprehensive strap-on buying guide.
Choosing a harness
There are tons of bondage options on the market, and figuring out what materials, styles and price points you want can take some savvy.

First, whether or not you have a partner you plan to use for strapping may make a difference.” If you have a partner in mind, make sure the purchase is a joint effort. You’re both going to be using it, so you should both have a say in the details,” says California-based sex expert Jill McDevitt, CalExotics’ resident sexologist.

If you’re going to buy it alone, consider your needs and plans for use before you buy. Here are some helpful considerations.

Questions to ask when buying a harness
How is this product going to be used? For what sexual act?
Who will use the product and what is the size of the user?
Is it important that it is machine washable?
How much am I willing to spend?
Choosing the right style
When it comes to hook-and-loop sex, there are two main styles of suspenders: underwear and strap-on.

Underwear-style harnesses look like a pair of underwear – in a variety of styles from boxers and briefs to boyshorts and thongs.
The strappy harness is so called because of its adjustable straps.
Sloane recommends strap-on styles because she says they are easier to fit snugly and usually have a longer shelf life.

“You want your harness to fit you like a pair of jeans that you would wear to the club when you want someone to really check you out. sloane says, “You want your harness to fit you like the jeans you wear to the club, and you want someone to really check you out, and it needs to be snug.” The more securely the harness is attached to your body, the more the dildo will move with your body.”

If it’s too loose or doesn’t fit properly, you may feel out of sync or out of sync with the dildo.

There are several iterations of the strap-on garter, but the thong style and the garter style are the most common.

The thong style is usually more comfortable for people with vulvas due to the thong strap that goes between the legs.
The thong style will look like a classic thong with the band going around each hip cheek and waist.
While both are equally effective, if someone with a penis is going to wear one, sex educator and owner of TheAdultToyShop.com, Mayra Greene, recommends the jockstrap style, which is more comfortable because there is a place for the testicles.
Strap-on corset recommendations
If you’re new to the strap-on game, Stubbs recommends the Vac-U-Lock – a machine washable, very adjustable neoprene harness that includes two sizes of loops and is easily interchangeable.
If you’re looking for a neutral harness with optional vibration, Stubbs says the Body Extension harness is a great choice.” It has adjustable straps and a slimmer dildo profile, making it great for people who are just starting out in anal play.”
If you have a penis and are looking for a harness, Sloane recommends the Deuce from SpareParts. “This harness has two penis rings, one to hold the penis and one to hold the base of the dildo.”
If you’re looking for a harness that can be worn by a variety of partner sizes, try the Joque by SpareParts that Sloane suggests. it’s adjustable, machine-washable, and thanks to its sock-style straps, can be worn by any partner.” It’s one of my favorites and recommended for those with larger body types,” she says.
If you’re looking for an inexpensive but effective harness, Sloane recommends the jock-style Uprize Harness. “At $22 and 4-way adjustability, it’s a great starter harness.”
If you’re looking for a super sturdy thong-style harness, try the Cherry Bombin’ Roadster harness, Sloane suggests.
If you prefer the look of a lingerie-style harness, as many people new to bondage sex do, be sure to measure your thighs and waist carefully before shopping to make sure you get the right size.

Lingerie-style harness recommendations
If you’re new to the harness game and want something easy to use and stable, Sloane recommends the Tomboi Harness by SpareParts, which costs $90.
If you’re looking for something that feels like you’re just wearing panties, McDevitt suggests the Calexotics Scandal Panty Set, which looks like a sexy pair of panties but comes with a dildo.
If you’re looking for a variety of styles of panties you can use with your own dildo, try the ones from Rodeoh.” The nice thing about these is that when you’re done, you can just toss them in the laundry like any regular underwear,” Sloane says.
If you’re on a budget – lingerie slings can be a bit pricey – or if you already own one strap-on sling and don’t want to buy a second, you can wear a strap-on sling over a pair of underwear to get the look and feel of lingerie with the stability of a strap-on.

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