How can you tell if that person really is “The One?” No one can tell you hard and fast rules about who is right or wrong for you, and if they do, the advice probably has more to do with the advice giver than the advice receiver. That being said, there are a few things that seem to be true for people who have made their relationships last for more than the time it takes for most couples to trade in their last car.
First, their relationship is the most important part of their lives. They stop thinking like single people and start thinking and acting like a couple. Decisions are made as a couple because they know and respect that other person. They stop thinking about “what is good for me” and start thinking about “what is good for us.” This thinking is not based in fear like “what will she think if I do this?” Instead the thinking goes something like “this will not benefit (or be good for) us if I do this.”
My second observation is that fear, recrimination and blame is gone. You know that you can say anything to your partner without fear or regret because the both of you know that you are in this together. What affects one will affect the other and together you will find a way. When listening to the problems of the other person, you no longer take them personally. You know that together you can face anything and come out the other side in a good place regardless of the outcome. Together you will tackle the problem (or opportunity) and make the best of it.
Last is communication and it is an integral part of the entire relationship. There is nothing you can’t say, no walls separate you, and you are transparent to that other person. Likewise, you let your partner know how you feel all the time. Show them that you love them in your words and actions. An unexpected word of affection here, holding their hand for no reason at all, a hug as you pass by each other in the hall to do the chores all communicate the love that feeds a healthy and growing relationship.
All of this is called intimacy. It has a sexual side, but what is important is the communication and trust that comes with a committed relationship between two adults in love. Also notice I said nothing about how tall the person was or what her cup size was or how big his biceps were. Physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder and fades with age. True beauty is in the mind and is ageless. After all, there are monsters with pretty faces and I’ve known a few as well.
Does that sound scary? Think it’s unattainable? Maybe that’s why we don’t see many happy couples who are married for fifty years. Perhaps my view is idealistic, but I feel if you can do these things, you will know you’ve found the right person.